Ever since I moved into my house I have found myself mowing the lawn every week, usually on the weekends. Where I once used to think about my evening plans on a Friday afternoon, this past month my mind has been more consumed with mulch, weed killer and what I can buy next at Lowe's. How quickly my priorities in life have changed.
As I look down my street, I see that my neighbors have also cut their grass. There we all are, perfectly trimmed and manicured homes in a row. In a small sense I feel more grown up as I see how I am fitting in around the neighborhood. It’s funny how personal responsibility tends to make us more anal about things.
When I was a kid I never had dreams of wanting to maintain a house, a career or anything of the sort. My ambitions were to do great things, set my own path and be original. Instead, I’ve caved in, sold out, drank too much of the kool-aid and have become one of “them.” And for what? Is it absolutely necessary that I maintain my yard week after week only to look at it from afar on ocassion from my kitchen window? It’s not like I’m out there running around, playing catch on it or anything. Like most things that we adults have...it’s for show.
I think back to the naive kid I once was and how complicated my grand ideas were. I try to retrace my steps to when I was 10, 14, 18 and I remember the passion I had for the things I loved. There are few interests outside of writing (such as this) that I continue to hold from childhood. Fast forward to today and I see how simple my mind works. I suppose, most of the things that I do are for selfish reasons. I want my carpet to be spotless, my truck filled with gas, my clothes pressed and my yard mowed. Is it worth anything in the end? Am I wasting precious moments of my life? Why Am I so worried and caught up in the minor details that society has deemed as necessary?
I don't hold the answer to those questions. Just as soon as I think I have made a turn in my life and that I am on track to do the right things, my past throws me a curveball and makes me step back and reevaluate what's most important. As I do that, I laugh at the man I see in the mirror now who views the world through a small scope and how everything affects "him," rather than how I can affect the world. As we grow older, I sometimes think we lose more than we gain.
If I had to do it all over again, I’d pick less grass and more daisies :)
If I had my life to live over again, I'd try to
make more mistakes next time. I would relax. I would
limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this
trip. I know of very few things I would take
seriously. I would take more trips. I would climb
more mountains, swim more rivers and watch more
sunsets. I would do more walking and looking. I would
eat more ice-cream and less beans. I would have more
actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones. You see, I
am one of those people who lives prophylactically and
sensibly and sanely hour after hour, day after day.
Oh, I've had my moments; and if I had to do it over
again, I'd have more of them. In fact, I'd try to
have nothing else. Just moments, one after another
instead of living so many years ahead each day. I
have been one of those people who never go anywhere
without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a gargle,
a raincoat, aspirin and a parachute. If I had it to
do over again, I would go places, do things and
travel lighter than I have.
If I had my life to live over, I would start
barefooted earlier in the spring and stay that way
later in the fall. I would play hookey more, I
wouldn't make much good grades except by accident. I
would ride on more merry-go-rounds. I'd pick more
daisies. -- Don Herald.