Back to the Future

I ran 6 miles today after a long layoff from running. Mile 2 felt like mile 26.2. My cramps, heavy breathing, and aching knees constricted me in such a way that I wondered if I would truly get back into stride with my old form. Throughout the run I was keenly aware of the time I had been away from the road and the reality that while I'm only 28, perhaps my best running was behind me. Like my stride, I lost track of my pace and how long it took me to run a trail I had completed 30 times previously. The psychological effects of not knowing if I'd be able to finish started to drain my spirits. Just as I began with the long list of regrets I had about running, my stride came back. I had a bounce in my step to go along with a release of pain from my knees and a cramp in my side. I cruised around a bend on the way back that I dreaded on the initial push and began to feel the rush of endorphins going through my body. At last, the run was beginning to feel refreshing. I was outside enjoying the 70 degree weather with the knowledge that with enough repitition I could run the way I had always been able to.

Earlier in the day I started my SF-86 which for those not in the military is a security clearance reinvestigation form. For this renewal, I had to go back 10 years for all of my contacts who had known me back "then." As I looked at my previous SF-86 that I had filled out year prior, I began to wonder what happened to all of my old friends who I had felt worthy enough to put as contacts back then, but had no idea about their whereabouts now. Just like running, I suppose they will creep back into my life sooner or later. My 10 year high school reunion will be around Thanksgiving of this year. Although I'll be in Afghanistan, my thoughts will be in Laconia, NH. It's an odd feeling looking back and trying to reclaim the parts of oneself that were so poignant in one's memory. Yet, there is a satisfaction in knowing that those memories are always right there with us, even when we're huffing and puffing along a dirt filled road or huddled around a campfire telling stories with close friends. The next 10 years isn't that far away. Come to think of it, neither is the next 26.2.

Knowledge is Power

I'm often asked "how do you know so much?" My answer is simple; I read. Whether it's required reading for work or me just trying to keep up to speed and make sense of the latest in politics, economics or sports. For the most part, none of what I read is for "leisure." Rather, I'm always reading current events, and other non-fiction material which will allow me to formulate educated opinions and keep me in touch with reality.

I can't say that I always enjoy reading, because more than anything, what I enjoy most is simply knowing more than the person next to me. Truth be told, I have a peculiar sense of satisfaction in knowing about the world around me because I like to feel like I'm "in the know!" From my daily paper, my weekly magazine subscriptions, my kindle or library collection I am always learning (I've been out of school for a month now). In fact, even when I'm not reading, I'm listening. My radio is always tuned to NPR.

In my library I have a collection of books that I am truly proud of. And even though my fiance disapproves, I keep them in our house as a badge of honor, a reminder of the information that I have retained throughout the years and a sense of security that this information is within reach.

At the end of the college semester when my classmates were in line trying to get 30% returns on their books from the bookstore, I was holding onto mine because I never knew when I might need a textbook on Ancient Greece or Human Biology. It might sound vain that I brag about being well read, but in a world where I am surrounded by people who are not, I am extraordinary. I am constantly baffled at how millions of people can go through their lives being so ill informed when information is literally at our finger tips. Instead of reading, people speculate, spread a web of misinformation that is then acted upon by equally ignorant people who take what's told to them as truth.

As I mentioned, I shouldn't be unique. The fact that I read a lot actual has very little bearing on my intelligence. All of my subscriptions are even available online for free! This is why I am so appalled at policymakers like Michelle Bachmann and Sarah Palin who go on air to talk about history and issues and it's abundantly clear that neither of them have a clue about what they're talking about. To someone who HAS read the Constitution and knows about our history, hearing these two clowns talk is insulting. I believe in the power of the 1st Amendment and the freedom of speech. But that doesn't mean that you need to be heard.

We all grew up with the notion that knowledge = power. Through my job I have found that no other maxim could hold more true. Each day I continue to read and learn more about my surroundings. I hope I'm wrong about everyone else. I hope I come to find out one day that they too care about what happens in their communities, country and world. For now, I'll settle for those who are just reading this blog. If you're reading this, then maybe I'm wrong afterall.

Stand Up

Christmas shopping has become the epitome of American indulgence. Each year millions of families go out and spend money that they hadn’t saved up in the months prior only to put those purchases on a credit card to be paid at a later time. Instead of scaling down due to the economic downturn, my observation this Christmas was anything but recession spending. Rather, I saw hundreds of shoppers willing to dish out the cash for a Holiday that they seemed to believe in. Throughout this annual Christian tradition that has evolved to symbolize consumerism over anything Holy, I was blessed to have had my faith restored in something a lot bigger than myself.

Earlier this week on my way home from work I decided to do my own last minute shopping at Wal-Mart. Often throughout my daily routines I sometimes forget what I’m wearing or what I represent as I attempt to blend back into civil society after a day at work. On this particular day I walked into Wal-Mart in my uniform to grab a few stocking stuffers that I had forgotten about. While I was busy racing through the aisles to find my presents thinking that I was like the rest of the Holiday shoppers, it took a gray haired greeter at Wal-Mart to remind me who I was.

Upon checking out, I headed for the exit only to see one of the elderly greeters get up from his seated position. Slowly he rose up, pinned his left arm while standing at attention and offered me the sharpest salute I’ve received in a long time. Crusty veterans like the Wal-Mart greeter on that day always catch me off guard. And although it wasn’t the first (nor will it be the last) time that a Veteran has saluted me in uniform, the unexpected nature of receiving a salute at Wal-Mart that led to my embarrassment. I put my head down, awkwardly returned the favor and briskly walked out the exit to my car.

The act of rising to ones feet in honor of another is practiced in many organizations and institutions throughout the country. One of my first observations of this tradition was at Mass. Prior to the Priest reading a passage from the gospel; out of reverence the congregation stands as he walks to the lectern. During weddings, the guests stand as the song “here comes the bride” plays and the bride enters. When a high-ranking senior officer walks into a room, an order for service members to be at “attention” is called. After someone is bestowed a highly coveted award or after someone makes a powerful speech, a standing ovation often occurs. And in the court room when a judge enters, the order “all rise,” is commanded.

The thought of peers, fellow citizens or distinguished men and women rising to their feet is a humbling one. This past month I learned that my father was appointed to the bench and from here on out would be referred to as “his honor.” From now on, when he walks into a courtroom to deliver justice, the members will rise.

Recently many Americans have lost faith in the political system, their government and those who represent them, (me included). And yet, with all of the uncertainty about our future, I have never lost faith in the one man whose character seems to embody everything that is right in this world, my father. My father has the most integrity that I have ever known, and for that alone, I can proudly rise up. With that said, I know men like my father and men like the Wal-Mart greeter, will forever have pride in their country. They are the men who have made it what it is and in spite of the political flavor of the month, they will never lose faith in the United States of America.

After I got home I began to reflect on the old man who out of respect for my rank and uniform and out of pride in his country, saluted me. Men like him have a great appreciation for what freedom is like. They lived through much greater economic recessions, depressions nonetheless, and can perhaps appreciate the shopping activity at Wal-Mart even if they look chaotic. They have seen wars and seen their friends not come home. They have raised children, paid their taxes, paid their dues. They are a generation that is slowly fading away before my generation’s very eyes, and as much as they recognize us, we tend not to recognize them. My uniform is something I take pride in, but probably not as much as past Veterans.

This Holiday season I have been confused about my life’s direction. I always have wondered what I’ll do next and what I should be doing. When I got home from shopping I had my future on my mind. To my amusement I opened up a piece of chocolate and inside the wrapper was a message that read, “You are exactly where you are supposed to be.”

Thankfully, I realized that from an old Veteran greeter at Wal-Mart, who for me was “exactly where he was supposed to be.”

Like every Christmas, I find myself incredibly fortunate to have the material items that I have and the close friends and family around me. This Christmas I am particularly blessed to realize my dream of seeing my father realize his. I am blessed because of the country I live in and the people who have come before me to keep it that way.

Time is of the Essence

In the 1960's over 80% of 25-34 yr olds were married. Today, that number is less than half. Our society has conditioned itself to believe that things like careers are the measurements to the "good life." Work has become the single most motivator that drives what we do, where we move and what we believe in. As a result we spend less of our time on trying to finding love. Millions of people sacrifice their time and energy to a vocation only to neglect the relationships around them. Instead of finding happiness in the moment and enjoying what we have now, we look past what is right in front of us and the opportunities we have today. Foresight and vision are great, but when those dreams disallow taking advantage of the present, they are useless.

A person will never take a stronger vow then when they echo the words "'Til death do us part." And yet, instead of seeking that individual for which that vow will one day be intended or nurturing the ones that we love, we get caught up in the rat race which is not life but work. To me finding the right person deserves as much attention if not more than finding the right job. If life is about finding love and happiness, how many of us can truly say that we're on the right path?

The average person works at a job for less than 10 years. If they're lucky and have the security, they may work 20 years before seeking retirement. Once that is over though, there is no telling what is in store for us, except for the man or woman who stood by us while we pursued other endeavors. The cliche is that life is short. Indeed it is. That is why I have chosen to take advantage of every opportunity to be with the ones that I love.

Much of my life has been directed towards going after "something," and not "someone." I've spent an inordinate amount of time taking care of everything except myself. Recently I decided that I would go out and find the person I was meant to be with. It took time and energy but now that I've found what I've been looking for, there's no chance that I'm going to give it up and go back to my old ways. Sure I'm still going to be ambitious and set goals for myself, but not if they interfere with what makes me the most happy. My priorities in life have shifted from caring about frivolous things to caring about the things that mean the most to me.

Like most people, my time is valuable and perhaps it is the greatest gift that I can offer. To the people that I love I know that what touches them more is not the car that I drive or the house that I live in, but the moments that I can share with them. Every second, every minute, every hour of the day matters. Why not spend it with the people you love?